Timing Can Suck It

I believe that timing is important; hell half the time it is key.

Whether it factors into moving, work, school, people. events, friends, so on and so forth, I've always believed that it matters and can make a difference.

But lately I think that Timing Can Suck It.

I search for meaning in my life. I don't think that is unusual.

Sometimes I search for meaning in the smallest of incidents.

Sometimes I search for meaning in the biggest of incidents.

Sometimes I believe that timing, however seemingly insignificant, means something. That maybe, this time, thinking of someone at the same time he texts you or running into him when you least expect it or missing him on the phone for months but suddenly being able to get a hold of him or having a great time with him as if it was yesterday instead of several months ago, means something. Just maybe the two of us are meant to be.

But lately, I'm starting not to believe in any of that.

Maybe nothing is a sign.

I have a hard time finding someone that I have a spark with. Let alone someone I find myself remotely attracted to.

There are plenty of decent looking guys in NYC but none that I think are actually cute. Or spark with.

Side note: a definite improvement over Seattle where I never found anyone whom I thought was decent looking.

So when I find someone I think about a lot and I find him attractive and we manage to see/run into each other and I become hopeful.

Maybe it is meant to be.

Then it becomes unarguably clear that the TIMING ISN'T RIGHT.



I'm not a naive teenager anymore. I no longer fall for every guy who seems interested in me like I did in college. I'm old enough to tell when there is a mutual attraction.

But THIS ISN'T HELPING.

Since I've moved to NYC there have been exactly 2 guys that I have felt this way about. I have been hopeful yet doubtful about two others (turned out I was right to be doubtful and was not surprised). A couple of others I wanted to be proven wrong about yet I was right.

I am SO SICK of the timing not being right.

I consider myself a romantic and an optimist when it comes to love. I believe that everyone deserves to be in love. Everyone deserves someone amazing (except if you are a homicidal maniac because, well, that's just not good for anyone at all).

I am tired of things seeming like they mean something and they don't.

Are these interactions just meant to torture me?

A part of me would rather have time with them than none at all. At least I have a couple of amazing memories to keep my hope alive.

Another part of me just thinks it's a bit cruel.

As Charlotte on SATC exclaimed, "Where is he?"

Having these two great guys in my hemisphere, knowing that right now is not the right time with them, makes me want to shout, "TIMING CAN SUCK IT."

Okay, that's the end of my rant.

Thank you for your time.

p.s. this may be why I've been watching so much Ally McBeal lately.